Being between projects is really tricky. Transitioning between projects and stages of life is even more challenging, but sometimes a real life moment happens that makes you stop and think, stop and shoot.
On a chilly Saturday in September I kneed myself in the face breaking 7 teeth and busting the crap out of my lip. As blood spewed out my face and my lip swelled to four times it usual size all I could do was sigh (and cry) as I rode in an ambulance being interrogated but barely able to speak. Clearly there wasn’t enough disarray in my life – sleeping in a friend’s basement, living out of my car, desperately looking for a job or at least some inspiration. To cope with the absurdity of it all, I did what any young photographer might do. I locked myself in the basement with my camera, blasted Nirvana and tried to fit all of my feelings into a single frame.
I didn’t expect to get a good photograph out of this exercise. I had woken up with dried blood all over my face, could barely open my mouth, and my entire being throbbed. Definitely the ideal moment for a selfie? I groggily fumbled about with my tripod wondering if all my teeth might fall out, and got to shooting. In previous work I have used the self-portrait as disguise, never wishing to show my true self to the camera - perhaps I am still hiding behind these oversized lips, but there was no hiding my emotional state. I have exposed my most vulnerable moment and sense of utter disdain to the camera and viewer alike. We all have moments were life fucks us so hard that all we can do is sit and stare at it in vain - so here I am staring at a world that won't stop knocking me down. I'm losing, but trying and surviving. Some weeks are definitely better than others, I hope you can relate.